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In Australia government funded and supported institutions, and their clergy bound by doctrine and oaths of allegiance to a foreign Vatican sovereign daily act with impunity to pervert justice, minimise and cloak rape in eternal secrecy, prioritizing papal loyalty over truth, victims and national law.
#1061
Where will this take me?
PUBLISHED: September 5, 2026 UPDATED: No Updates
A provisional chapter from a developing account of my life. It brings together memory, documentary records, later reflection and questions that may remain unresolved.
By the time I reached my late seventies, a surprising amount of my life existed as files.
There were medical records, letters, emails, reports, complaints, scanned pages, photographs, notes to myself, transcripts and the accumulating contents of something I had come to call an Evidence Map.
The name made it sound orderly.
My life had not been.
The Evidence Map came partly from necessity. There were too many documents, too many versions of events and too many occasions on which something written by somebody else had acquired an authority that my own recollection did not possess.
Once something enters a record, it changes character.
A conversation becomes a clinical observation. An impression becomes a diagnosis. A diagnosis copied into another document begins to look like corroboration. Years later, somebody reading the later document may have no idea where the statement originated. They simply encounter it as history.
That became one of the recurring problems of my life.
I had lived the event.
They had the record.
And the record could win.
For years I thought the task was to find the right document.
Eventually I began to understand that this was too simple.
There might not be one right document.
There might be one record made at the time, another copied years later, my memory of the event, my understanding of it at the time, and another understanding that emerged only decades afterwards.
Somewhere among those things was what had happened.
But the truth was not necessarily sitting conveniently on the top of the pile.
Nor was it necessarily buried at the bottom waiting to be uncovered like an archaeological object.
It could exist between the layers.
That was more difficult.
It was also more interesting.
By 2026 I had several collections of medical records from different periods of my life.
Some had come through circuitous routes. Others had been obtained later through Queensland Health. There were records I regarded as incomplete, records that appeared to preserve material missing from other sets, and records that repeated descriptions I had spent years trying to understand or correct.
Two expressions became familiar to me:
Corr In.
Corr Out.
Correspondence received. Correspondence sent.
Administrative language.
Yet these small labels mattered because correspondence tells you something about the movement of information. It shows not merely what somebody believed, but what was passed from one person or institution to another.
That distinction became important.
I was no longer looking only for statements about me.
I was looking at how statements travelled.
A diagnosis made in one place could appear in another. A description could lose its original context. A possibility could become a fact. Once established in the record, it could influence the interpretation of the next event.
The file was no longer just a record of what had happened.
The file had become an actor in what happened next.
For years my records carried a psychiatric description that I disputed. Eventually I began the formal process of having it amended.
That sounds, when reduced to a sentence, almost clerical: identify an error, request a correction, receive a response.
The lived experience was nothing like that.
A psychiatric label does not remain politely inside the document in which it was written.
It arrives before you do.
It can be present in a room before you have spoken.
It can influence whether an unusual account is heard as an unusual event or interpreted as evidence of the diagnosis already sitting on the screen.
This creates a peculiar problem.
How does a person challenge a record when the act of challenging it may itself be interpreted through the record?
It is a nearly perfect loop.
Memory presented a different problem.
I have a diagnosis of dissociative amnesia.
The clinical term is useful, but like most clinical terms it is much tidier than the experience.
People tend to imagine memory as a library. Something is either on the shelf or missing from it.
My experience has been stranger than that.
Something can be absent for years and then return because another event has given it a pathway back. A detail that made little sense can suddenly attach itself to another detail. Sometimes the return of a memory changes an interpretation I have carried for years.
That does not mean every recovered connection is automatically correct.
It means it has to be examined.
There is a temptation, when writing a life, to eliminate uncertainty.
Autobiography encourages sentences such as:
This happened, and because it happened I became this.
Life rarely behaves so obediently.
Sometimes I have been angry with somebody for years and then remembered enough of an earlier conversation to see their behaviour differently.
For a long time, one understanding may have been real to me.
Then something changes.
The change is part of the story.
Perhaps one of the most important parts.
This is why I became interested in preserving evidence rather than simply reaching conclusions.
The Evidence Map grew out of that instinct.
Some of it was technical.
I had hundreds of scanned pages. They needed filenames, links, indexing, descriptions, tags and ways of finding relationships between documents.
I knew enough about computers and information systems to recognise the problem.
Information becomes almost useless when you cannot retrieve it.
But underneath the technical problem was another one.
People also become difficult to retrieve.
Their experiences are distributed across institutions that each hold only part of the history. A hospital sees a patient. A psychologist sees a client. A complaints agency sees a complaint. A lawyer sees a legal issue. A government department sees an administrative matter.
Each may produce a perfectly respectable record of its own encounter.
Yet nobody necessarily sees the person created by the combination of all those encounters.
Fragmentation can therefore produce distortion without anybody deliberately lying.
That began connecting with questions that reached far beyond medical records.
Those questions eventually became part of the thinking behind the Blue•Print and the Survivor App.
But their origins were less abstract.
They began with me sitting at a computer trying to work out what had happened to me.
There is an irony in this.
Long before I became preoccupied with documentary evidence, I had spent a great deal of my life looking at landscapes.
Geology was one of the interests that opened Australia to me.
As a young man I drove coaches. Local work, charters, interstate travel, tours, snow country and longer journeys provided an education that no classroom could have given me.
On one journey I had a coachload of geologists.
Forty-five of them.
Australia became their classroom, and because I was driving them, it became mine as well.
Geologists teach you to look differently.
A landscape is not merely what is visible.
The surface tells you something, but not everything.
A cliff is an exposure of time. A road cutting reveals layers that were previously hidden. A river may occupy a landscape shaped by events millions of years earlier. Something that appears uniform from a distance becomes complicated once you stop and examine it.
Perhaps that way of seeing stayed with me.
I cannot claim that, as a young man, I foresaw an elderly version of myself examining medical files like geological strata.
That would be too neat.
But looking backwards, I recognise the similarity.
The surface matters.
The buried layer matters.
The relationship between them matters more.
Sometimes one layer has been disturbed.
Sometimes material from one period has intruded into another.
Sometimes an apparent boundary is not the boundary at all.
And sometimes the most interesting question is not simply:
What is this?
It is:
How did it get here?
In 2025 and 2026, that question followed me through hospitals.
There were new physical problems, investigations, scans, procedures and disagreements about what was happening to my body.
There were also old questions that refused to remain old.
I observed what happened.
I repeated things.
I measured.
I tried to describe what happened.
Other people observed some of it.
Sometimes the observations fitted together.
Sometimes they did not.
Here again I encountered the problem of layers.
There was what my body appeared to do.
There was what I experienced.
There was what somebody else observed.
There was what they wrote.
There was what another clinician subsequently read.
And there was the meaning that clinician gave to everything that followed.
None of these things was necessarily identical.
Yet neither could I simply declare that my own interpretation automatically explained everything.
That would reproduce the very problem I was objecting to.
My experience deserved to be taken seriously.
It also deserved examination.
Perhaps that is why I am writing this book now.
Not because I have finally assembled the definitive version of my life.
I have not.
There are things about which I am certain.
There are things I strongly believe.
There are things supported by records.
There are things contradicted by records.
There are things the records do not mention.
There are memories whose significance became apparent only much later.
There are also things about which I may never know enough to reach a conclusion.
For much of my life, uncertainty felt like an enemy.
An unanswered question seemed to demand an answer.
Age has changed that somewhat.
I am less interested now in manufacturing certainty merely because uncertainty is uncomfortable.
A blank space can remain blank.
A disputed event can remain disputed.
A later understanding can sit beside an earlier one without pretending the earlier person never existed.
That may be the only honest way to write some parts of this life.
I still want answers.
I still become angry when systems avoid questions that they are capable of answering.
I still believe records matter enormously.
But I have also learned that the record is not the life.
Neither is memory.
Neither is diagnosis.
Neither is advocacy.
Neither is the story I tell myself today.
They are layers.
And somewhere between them is a man who once drove a busload of geologists across Australia, who later built information systems, who spent years arguing with institutions about what they had written about him, and who, approaching the end of his life, was still trying to understand what all those layers revealed.
The Evidence Map was one attempt to do that.
This book is another.
Next: Chapter 2 — Forty-Five Geologists
2023 Findings in Spain found that 0.6% of the population of Spain had been sexually abused by Roman Catholic priests and laity. Up to 50 million alive on any day who have been raped or abused by Catholic clergy &/or Catholic laity
Current world population is 8 billion - 0.6% = 48 million alive today who are likely to have been raped by Catholics globally.
The church protected the perpetrators, not the victims
"This is a matter for the church and I respect the internal judgements of the church. I don't stand outside the church and provide them with public lectures in terms of how they should behave. I've noted carefully what his Holiness has said in the United States. Obviously that was a source of great comfort and healing in the United States. I'm like all Australians very much looking forward to what the Pope has to say here in Australia as well, as I am to my own conversation with the Pope later this morning." Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, 17 July 2008. more
AI-assisted writing: illiteracy identified at 21 after sustained childhood abuse; I am an autodidact. Ideas mine; I iterate with AI until it says what I mean.
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Wednesday, 22 June 2022 - I may not have this down syntax, word and letter perfect or
with
absolute precision in every aspect; however time and the evidence will show that I am closer to the truth than
any religion has been or will likely be.
Let history be the standard by which that is measured.
Youtube - listen to Commissioner Bob
Atkinson get it wrong - again
The Commissioner informs us that the clergy sexual abuse issue was all over and that it had only been a
small statistical glitch around the year 2000. History shows this to have been a display of absolute ignorance
on the issue ...
Makarrata : a better future for our children based on justice and self-determination. The Uluru Statement from the Heart. See Yours, mine and Australia's children. I acknowledge the Traditional People and their Ownership of Australia.
Autobiography Life Story Memory Medical Records Evidence Map Dissociative Amnesia Institutional Records Survivor Narrative Blue Print
Hegemony: The authority, dominance, and influence of one group, nation, or society over another group, nation, or society; typically through cultural, economic, or political means.
Mother and baby home survivors on redress delay:
'They are playing a game of wait and die'
Consultants
reported more than 520 conflicts of interest during audit of Australian aged care
2024 is the year of Survivor's High Court challenge of the legitimacy of the Catholic Church and its religion on the basis of its primary allegiance and obedience to a foreign state.
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